Sacrebleu

Holy Shit.

Au Revoir, Brits!

Friday consisted of shopping (as usual) and preparing for France.  I was so sleepy all day.  So, by the time I entered the tour bus, I crashed!! I woke up when we arrived in Brighton, United Kingdom, to change buses for the four-day tour in Paris and Versailles.  Our bus was filled with Brazilian CHILDREN…like babies, 7-8 years old and their sponsors, mothers, and teachers.  We also had teens on there too.  With that said, they would not shut up!!! The lights went off and they kept chatting and screaming and doing entirely too much in their native tongue — Portuguese.  I tried to tune them out and eventually went back to sleep.  I woke up near our final rest stop in Hardivillers, France.  So, I took a hoe bath in a the gas station bathroom, changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, and applied my makeup.  I did not want France to see me lookin’ a mess.  After 30 minutes of freshening up, I went back to the bus and fell asleep again.  

 

Bonjour!

When we arrived in Paris, it was RAINING cats and dogs!  We didn’t get out of the coach, so we just drove around to all of the sites.  Before we arrived at the Louvre, we drove down one of the streets containing the most posh stores in the world.  I was thrilled to see a United Colors of Benetton store.  I modeled for Benetton a few years ago. I thought it was some low budget brand because I never seen its store in the US.  When I modeled professionally, I was shooting for so many brands and companies at one point, everything seemed like a blur.  As a freelance model, I never really asked for copies of my published work; I only asked for my portfolio pieces.  

 

Anyways, we circled the Louvre and the tour guide told us the history and the importance of it.  The Louvre is a glass pyramid in Paris that is not just a structurally appealing site, but it is an art museum across the Seine River that holds famous works such as Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.  I am all museum’d-out for the summer, so we kept it moving onto the Arc de Triomphe, which wasn’t far from the Louvre.  Arc de Triomphe is just a symbolic monument for the French Revolutionary.  European countries really pride themselves on their past and use these monuments in remembrance of the people that died as well as the people that shaped their history.  After learning the history about the Arc de Triomphe, the weather started to clear up and we headed to the Eiffel Tower.  It was SO pretty!!! I had an entire impromptu photoshoot in front of the beautiful structure.  Since it was so early, we couldn’t ride to the top.  So, it was just a picture taking time.   The guide then took us to Notre Dame de Paris (“Notre Dame”).  Many of you all know of Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame.  The creator was inspired by this cathedral that I visited.  We got out of the bus and went inside the church.  The Notre Dame is Catholic cathedral with interesting sculptures along the insides of the wall and stained glass windows everywhere.  After a while, we left because we were soooooo hungry.   We split from the tour group and went to a French cafe across from the cathedral.  I ordered strawberry crepes, fried eggs and ham, and a cappuccino.  It was soooooo good!!! After breakfast, we went walking around to the tourist shops.  I couldn’t find anything that I really wanted for myself… so I bought some things for friends and family back home.  We walked to the train and took the train back to the area with the Eiffel Tower.  So, we found another amazing view of the Eiffel Tower and took more pictures.  It was really cool, despite how freakishly hot it became.  We were dying of heat exhaustion and was in dire need of wifi.  So, we went to La Malaka, a French Cafe, and ate some delicious food.  I needed roughage, so I got a Scandinavian salad.  It was SUPER yummy.  We stayed there for a few hours and went to a liquor store.  CW bought some French wine for like  3 euros.  We then went back to the Eiffel Tower and looked at the line.  The queue was like a 4-5 hour ETA on the wait line in order to go up the Eiffel Tower.  Hell no. So, since it approached 7:30PM (the time we needed to meet up with the tour group), we stayed at a cafe by the pier on the Seine.  CW got into it with the waiter because he thought she just wanted to sit there without ordering a drink, when in fact she just wanted to look at the menu.  Instead of the waiter returning, his manager appeared. The manager was really nice and serviced us accordingly.  French people are really rude, so we were pretty much over the poor treatment.  However, one waiter approached our table and I befriended him.  I don’t know HOW I got him to start teaching me all the curse words in French, but he did it.  He even made me practice my new vocabulary on his comrades.  His boss came out and started LAUGHING. What a good time… So after drinks ended, we got back on the coach and headed to the hotel.  I CRASHED…. I was so tired.

 

Happiest place on Earth

We got up early and went to Disneyland.  It was so much fun.  I actually got on four rides. One ride was scary… I was terrified. I screamed. I cried. I prayed. Lawd…. We took pictures with Disney characters.  We ate tons of junk food.  It was so cool!! A great 9 hours with my classmates.  Afterwards, we went home and crashed once again.

BULLSHIT.  

Our final day in Paris was a mess.  We skipped the Versailles tour and as a result, the tour guide left us and told us to find our own way to the city. We were kind of pissed because we were in the outskirts of Paris.  So, me and CW went to a Chinese buffet and ate. The Cantonese food was so delicious and non-greasy.   I was very nervous about our predicament.  I tried to hide the nerves by striking up a conversation with CW.  I learned alot about her. She’s pretty fascinating.  I even sent a message to my boyfriend saying, “FYI… We may end up stranded in Paris. The bus left us to go on their day trip and apparently we have to go somewhere to meet them (an hour away). In case I can’t contact you later, just know that once nightfall comes and don’t find the bus, I’m hopping on the plane and headed to London by myself. I already looked up the flight times.” I was NERVOUS. After being fat full, we gathered out things, got directions to the meeting spot, and took the train there.  The trains in Paris are scary because you can open them while they are running.  It was crazy.  Also, the trains are filled with stinky French people.  Like…I wanted to pass around deodorant, soap, and water… geez.  It was an unnerving smell.  Pepe Le Pew!!!! When we arrived at our spot, the sky fell.  So much rain… there was traffic, and people, and just a lot going on…we didn’t know where the coach was going to meet us.  So, DG and I stood under this propped up ice cream station with an umbrella.  I remained there for 10 minutes until the vendor told me to move.  I ignored her.  She then started pushing me and tapping me.  I put a little bass in my voice and told her not to touch me.  She repeated her actions and I clenched my fists and yelled louder, “DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME!”   She said, “Hey! I’m trying to work!!!” I retorted, “You’ve been working without any interference the past 10 minutes. Leave me alone.”  So she miserably tried to remove the umbrella, but was unsuccessful in her efforts.  Bitch.  DG felt the tension and opted to go shopping.  I followed suit and went down this alley in Montmartre.  Area lesson! (I just googled Montmartre and according to Wikipedia, “Montmartre is primarily known for the white-domed Basilica of the Sacré Cœur on its summit and as a nightclub district. The other, older, church on the hill is Saint Pierre de Montmartre, which claims to be the location at which theJesuit order of priests was founded. Many artists had studios or worked around the community of Montmartre such as Salvador Dalí, Amedeo Modigliani, Claude Monet, Piet Mondrian, Pablo Picasso and Vincent van Gogh. Montmartre is also the setting for several hit films.”)  Interesting.  Anyway, I picked up a few shirts and a beret for myself.  I walked out and found our coach pull up.  However, the other tourists were missing.  I started watching Django for the first time.   It was great! As I was about 30 minutes into the movie, the others arrived.  We pulled off and headed back to London.  Halfway through the movie, I took a nap.  When I woke up, we were at the UK Border.  I spoke to border patrol, got my passport stamped again, and went back onto the bus to finish my movie.  We entered the Eurotunnel and remained for 45 minutes. Finally, we headed to Gatwick Airport in order to take the train to the Victoria Station.  We got to the airport and the tour guide gave four group train tickets to a guy who didn’t even speak English.  Well, CW and DG raised hell and the guy gave the tickets to me.  He said all 20 of us would be able to get to Victoria train station using those four tickets.  We followed the sign as instructed and got to the entrance. We gave the four tickets to the worker and she let us all through. She pointed us in a particular direction and we went there. She said we were supposed to go to Platform 4, but half of the group didn’t want to go there, including CW and DG. They wanted to take the “express” train. So we all went to the express train. They didn’t ask for tickets. When we exited the train, we approached a ticket station. This big fat African man was so rude and wouldn’t let us through. He said we had the wrong tickets. (we knew that, but we played the dumb American role). So, the more rude he got, the more ruder we became. Eventually, we stopped talking to him and requested his manager. His manager came over and I told her we just came from Paris and we never rode the train before. She was like why do you only have 4 tickets. I told her that’s all we were given. She consulted with the big fat African fucker and he was bitchin’ and pointed out me, CW, and DG as the rude girls and demanded that our entire group pay tickets. We were like no. So, Slouch kept gettin’ loud asking for the bobbies to come through. They were in the corner with their guns. As the bobbies were approaching, the manager asked African fucker if we give him an apology, would he let us through. He said yes. Slouch and Morilton said they weren’t apologizing. I approached him and gave him a heartfelt apology. He said fine and let us through. As soon as we walked through, CW called him an asshole and I called him a bitch and we walked off.  I tossed those tickets on the escalator, got on the tube, and got off on my stop.  I went to McDonald’s to pick up dinner and went home and crashed.  The END!

See pictures our my hectic weekend below: