Archive | July 2013


Holy Shit.

Au Revoir, Brits!

Friday consisted of shopping (as usual) and preparing for France.  I was so sleepy all day.  So, by the time I entered the tour bus, I crashed!! I woke up when we arrived in Brighton, United Kingdom, to change buses for the four-day tour in Paris and Versailles.  Our bus was filled with Brazilian CHILDREN…like babies, 7-8 years old and their sponsors, mothers, and teachers.  We also had teens on there too.  With that said, they would not shut up!!! The lights went off and they kept chatting and screaming and doing entirely too much in their native tongue — Portuguese.  I tried to tune them out and eventually went back to sleep.  I woke up near our final rest stop in Hardivillers, France.  So, I took a hoe bath in a the gas station bathroom, changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, and applied my makeup.  I did not want France to see me lookin’ a mess.  After 30 minutes of freshening up, I went back to the bus and fell asleep again.  



When we arrived in Paris, it was RAINING cats and dogs!  We didn’t get out of the coach, so we just drove around to all of the sites.  Before we arrived at the Louvre, we drove down one of the streets containing the most posh stores in the world.  I was thrilled to see a United Colors of Benetton store.  I modeled for Benetton a few years ago. I thought it was some low budget brand because I never seen its store in the US.  When I modeled professionally, I was shooting for so many brands and companies at one point, everything seemed like a blur.  As a freelance model, I never really asked for copies of my published work; I only asked for my portfolio pieces.  


Anyways, we circled the Louvre and the tour guide told us the history and the importance of it.  The Louvre is a glass pyramid in Paris that is not just a structurally appealing site, but it is an art museum across the Seine River that holds famous works such as Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.  I am all museum’d-out for the summer, so we kept it moving onto the Arc de Triomphe, which wasn’t far from the Louvre.  Arc de Triomphe is just a symbolic monument for the French Revolutionary.  European countries really pride themselves on their past and use these monuments in remembrance of the people that died as well as the people that shaped their history.  After learning the history about the Arc de Triomphe, the weather started to clear up and we headed to the Eiffel Tower.  It was SO pretty!!! I had an entire impromptu photoshoot in front of the beautiful structure.  Since it was so early, we couldn’t ride to the top.  So, it was just a picture taking time.   The guide then took us to Notre Dame de Paris (“Notre Dame”).  Many of you all know of Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame.  The creator was inspired by this cathedral that I visited.  We got out of the bus and went inside the church.  The Notre Dame is Catholic cathedral with interesting sculptures along the insides of the wall and stained glass windows everywhere.  After a while, we left because we were soooooo hungry.   We split from the tour group and went to a French cafe across from the cathedral.  I ordered strawberry crepes, fried eggs and ham, and a cappuccino.  It was soooooo good!!! After breakfast, we went walking around to the tourist shops.  I couldn’t find anything that I really wanted for myself… so I bought some things for friends and family back home.  We walked to the train and took the train back to the area with the Eiffel Tower.  So, we found another amazing view of the Eiffel Tower and took more pictures.  It was really cool, despite how freakishly hot it became.  We were dying of heat exhaustion and was in dire need of wifi.  So, we went to La Malaka, a French Cafe, and ate some delicious food.  I needed roughage, so I got a Scandinavian salad.  It was SUPER yummy.  We stayed there for a few hours and went to a liquor store.  CW bought some French wine for like  3 euros.  We then went back to the Eiffel Tower and looked at the line.  The queue was like a 4-5 hour ETA on the wait line in order to go up the Eiffel Tower.  Hell no. So, since it approached 7:30PM (the time we needed to meet up with the tour group), we stayed at a cafe by the pier on the Seine.  CW got into it with the waiter because he thought she just wanted to sit there without ordering a drink, when in fact she just wanted to look at the menu.  Instead of the waiter returning, his manager appeared. The manager was really nice and serviced us accordingly.  French people are really rude, so we were pretty much over the poor treatment.  However, one waiter approached our table and I befriended him.  I don’t know HOW I got him to start teaching me all the curse words in French, but he did it.  He even made me practice my new vocabulary on his comrades.  His boss came out and started LAUGHING. What a good time… So after drinks ended, we got back on the coach and headed to the hotel.  I CRASHED…. I was so tired.


Happiest place on Earth

We got up early and went to Disneyland.  It was so much fun.  I actually got on four rides. One ride was scary… I was terrified. I screamed. I cried. I prayed. Lawd…. We took pictures with Disney characters.  We ate tons of junk food.  It was so cool!! A great 9 hours with my classmates.  Afterwards, we went home and crashed once again.


Our final day in Paris was a mess.  We skipped the Versailles tour and as a result, the tour guide left us and told us to find our own way to the city. We were kind of pissed because we were in the outskirts of Paris.  So, me and CW went to a Chinese buffet and ate. The Cantonese food was so delicious and non-greasy.   I was very nervous about our predicament.  I tried to hide the nerves by striking up a conversation with CW.  I learned alot about her. She’s pretty fascinating.  I even sent a message to my boyfriend saying, “FYI… We may end up stranded in Paris. The bus left us to go on their day trip and apparently we have to go somewhere to meet them (an hour away). In case I can’t contact you later, just know that once nightfall comes and don’t find the bus, I’m hopping on the plane and headed to London by myself. I already looked up the flight times.” I was NERVOUS. After being fat full, we gathered out things, got directions to the meeting spot, and took the train there.  The trains in Paris are scary because you can open them while they are running.  It was crazy.  Also, the trains are filled with stinky French people.  Like…I wanted to pass around deodorant, soap, and water… geez.  It was an unnerving smell.  Pepe Le Pew!!!! When we arrived at our spot, the sky fell.  So much rain… there was traffic, and people, and just a lot going on…we didn’t know where the coach was going to meet us.  So, DG and I stood under this propped up ice cream station with an umbrella.  I remained there for 10 minutes until the vendor told me to move.  I ignored her.  She then started pushing me and tapping me.  I put a little bass in my voice and told her not to touch me.  She repeated her actions and I clenched my fists and yelled louder, “DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME!”   She said, “Hey! I’m trying to work!!!” I retorted, “You’ve been working without any interference the past 10 minutes. Leave me alone.”  So she miserably tried to remove the umbrella, but was unsuccessful in her efforts.  Bitch.  DG felt the tension and opted to go shopping.  I followed suit and went down this alley in Montmartre.  Area lesson! (I just googled Montmartre and according to Wikipedia, “Montmartre is primarily known for the white-domed Basilica of the Sacré Cœur on its summit and as a nightclub district. The other, older, church on the hill is Saint Pierre de Montmartre, which claims to be the location at which theJesuit order of priests was founded. Many artists had studios or worked around the community of Montmartre such as Salvador DalíAmedeo ModiglianiClaude MonetPiet MondrianPablo Picasso and Vincent van Gogh. Montmartre is also the setting for several hit films.”)  Interesting.  Anyway, I picked up a few shirts and a beret for myself.  I walked out and found our coach pull up.  However, the other tourists were missing.  I started watching Django for the first time.   It was great! As I was about 30 minutes into the movie, the others arrived.  We pulled off and headed back to London.  Halfway through the movie, I took a nap.  When I woke up, we were at the UK Border.  I spoke to border patrol, got my passport stamped again, and went back onto the bus to finish my movie.  We entered the Eurotunnel and remained for 45 minutes. Finally, we headed to Gatwick Airport in order to take the train to the Victoria Station.  We got to the airport and the tour guide gave four group train tickets to a guy who didn’t even speak English.  Well, CW and DG raised hell and the guy gave the tickets to me.  He said all 20 of us would be able to get to Victoria train station using those four tickets.  We followed the sign as instructed and got to the entrance. We gave the four tickets to the worker and she let us all through. She pointed us in a particular direction and we went there. She said we were supposed to go to Platform 4, but half of the group didn’t want to go there, including CW and DG. They wanted to take the “express” train. So we all went to the express train. They didn’t ask for tickets. When we exited the train, we approached a ticket station. This big fat African man was so rude and wouldn’t let us through. He said we had the wrong tickets. (we knew that, but we played the dumb American role). So, the more rude he got, the more ruder we became. Eventually, we stopped talking to him and requested his manager. His manager came over and I told her we just came from Paris and we never rode the train before. She was like why do you only have 4 tickets. I told her that’s all we were given. She consulted with the big fat African fucker and he was bitchin’ and pointed out me, CW, and DG as the rude girls and demanded that our entire group pay tickets. We were like no. So, Slouch kept gettin’ loud asking for the bobbies to come through. They were in the corner with their guns. As the bobbies were approaching, the manager asked African fucker if we give him an apology, would he let us through. He said yes. Slouch and Morilton said they weren’t apologizing. I approached him and gave him a heartfelt apology. He said fine and let us through. As soon as we walked through, CW called him an asshole and I called him a bitch and we walked off.  I tossed those tickets on the escalator, got on the tube, and got off on my stop.  I went to McDonald’s to pick up dinner and went home and crashed.  The END!

See pictures our my hectic weekend below:




Dies felices!

Happy Days!

I woke up early today because DG wanted to go to Madame Tussauds early.  When I knocked on her door around 9AM, she said she did not want to go.  You know the old saying?  One monkey does not stop the show.  So, I got dressed and took the tube to the Waterloo train station.  Since I was starving and hung over, I stopped by some arcade bar (Namco?) and ate ribs, chips, fried mushrooms, and drank a glass of rose.  When I finished, I went to the line where I purchased the ticket (about a month ago) and the woman told me I had to go to another location to visit the exhibit.  So, I took the Bakerloo line to Baker St. and waited in line about 15 minutes for Madame Tussauds. I’ve never been to a wax museum before and it was pretty cool. It would have been better if someone was there to take pictures for me.  But, several strangers were very nice and helpful.  So, look below for pics:

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Ik haat inpakken

I hate packing!

The 25 Best Travel Memes (22)

London to Amsterdam 

Since I finished my paper for class Thursday night, I decided to treat myself to some shopping in Soho and Leicester Square. There were so many cute outfits on sale!!! I fell in love with fashion all over again. Typically, I hate shopping because… Well, I’m shaped abnormally!!! These legs and bum turn every casual outfit into a provocative set of threads. This shopping experience was very pleasurable. When I arrived at the dorm, I did my laundry and procrastinated to the last minute to pack for my weekend. I completed the daunting task of packing with five minutes to spare. DG, CW, and I left the dorm and took the tube to the coach station. At first we were nervous because we were the only people at the waiting area. The police got involved and we just arrived early. (They were on CP time, lol). We boarded the bus and departed to Brighton, London, where we picked up more people and left some people behind to take a bus to Paris. When everyone got settled in, we left to Amsterdam. I fell asleep and woke up when we arrived at the Eurotunnel. The Eurotunnel is a transportation in which the coach (bus) rides onto the train and the train takes is from the London border under the sea until Calais, France. With permission, I left the coach and onto the train to stretch. The experience really wasn’t much of a site, but it was cool knowing the mode of transportation from England to the rest of Europe. After the excitement left me, I returned to the coach ad went to sleep.
We arrived in Amsterdam at 7AM on Saturday morning. We took a stop and stretched. I brushed my teeth on the sidewalk (toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash on deck!). I also changed into my shorts and tee because the meteorologist predicted clear and sunny skies. The entire city was asleep, leaving the tourist with an empty, trash filled city. Apparently, Amsterdam is the party Capitol of the world, as well as having the most gay people here (cool!). So at night, the locals party HARD and during the day, they sleep or work, depending on his or her age. We went site seeing for a bit of the COLD morning. I was clad in shorts and a tee. I couldn’t handle the breezy chill, so I purchased an Amsterdam hoody. We walked around some more until we arrived at a cafe, Studio 2. Since the omelette came highly recommended, I ordered one with ham, cheese, and mushrooms coupled with a cup of tea. Talk about a party on my palate! The food was soooo good! When we finished breakfast, we did some more site seeing. Now, mind you — we still have not made it to the hotel yet!  Eek! Eventually, the tour guide let us free. Me and the girls took pictures until we were bored. They were interested in going to the Anne Frank Museum and I was more interested in the Heineken. Experience. After they walked me to the Heineken factory, I gave them directions to Anne Frank’s Huis and they left. The Heineken Experience was pretty cool!!!!!
I don’t even LIKE beer and I enjoyed it. Not only did I watch beer get made, but I got certified as a “Pourmaster.”  If only I had a mantle over the fireplace to frame my certificate and hang….*looks off in the distance*. In addition, the director also picked on me because I told him that I don’t like beer. He gave me tips on how to drink it correctly (big, instead of small sips) to have a more pleasurable beer drinking experience.  The tips really worked, but beer still isn’t my first preference. Give me wine or a cider first! But I digress… I also made a music video and became a DJ! Lol. I enjoyed myself in that place. I picked up some gifts for my people and left. Using my cool app, I walked to Anne Frank’s Huis. Omg, looooongest waaaaalk everrrrrrrrrr. Rather than trying myself out, I slowed my pace down and enjoyed the city. I inhaled the city… And caught a whiff of…. “Coffee.”  Lmao! I walked into some coffee shops asking questions and inquired about other things. Some owners are really mean and unhelpful to a nonsmoker like myself.  So I was kind of agitated and continued journey to Anne Frank’s Huis.
When I arrived at Anne Frank’s Huis, I connected to wifi and let the girls know that I was waiting outside.  The line for the exhibit was wrapped around the building, with an estimated wait time of 2-3 hours.  I sat next to a street jeweler and engaged him in conversation.  He was very nice. He talked to me about the city, referred me to different restaurants, and finally, he also told me about his travels and the women he encountered on them.  One of daughters and her mother live in Thailand and his other daughter and her mother live in England.  While we were there, several patrons came and inquired about the jewelry he was selling. He proceeded to speak in their language and just…FLIRT. OMG, his technique was so smooth. He was not attractive at all. In fact, he looked like a pauper.  However, his persistence and use of foreign languages worked in his favor. Next, he told me that he doesn’t even live off of his jewelry; that money is only used for traveling and meeting women.  His main occupation is painting either Buddha or naked women.  On average, he sells his paintings for $5000 each.  I also witnessed him protect other women. We saw a strung out pick pocketor looking for his next victim.  My newfound friend warned the women and as that happened, the pick pocketor walked off.  My buddy immediately flagged down the security guard and tried to hunt the man down.  Shortly, he sat right next to me and continued to tell me more stories.  I hung out with him for about an hour because I really did not want to leave my classmates. Nevertheless, it got closer and closer until our canal cruise, so I bid the man adieu and headed towards the cruise pickup point without the girls.
Tengo Hambre Dennamug!
On the way there, I picked up shoarma and frites.  It was SO delicious!!!!!!!!!!  They had curry ketchup that was amazing.  I finished my food just in time for the cruise.  Thankfully, the girls were there. We boarded the boat.  I got my favorite window seat and we took off.  I took pictures for maybe…10 minutes and once that wind hit my face, I immediately went to sleep.  zZZzzzZzZzz… An hour of sleep was simply bliss!!! Once you’ve seen one river, you’ve seen em all.  We went back to the hotel, charged up our phones, showered, and glammed up.
Red Light District
A few hours later, we went to the Red Light District.  The oldest church in Amsterdam was right across from scantily clad women in windows who were soliciting men for… a good time.  I walked around and took some footage (despite the “no camera” signs).  After a while, it got boring and I got hungry again and ate at Teddy’s.  I got the lamb shoarma and frites again…… man SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!! I can’t say that enough. We all linked up with our other classmates, RC and JO.  We partied a little bit. I have to keep all of this very general because … like, I made a pact! Plus, I ended up getting upset with my honey, so I really didn’t have a good time because I was all in my feelings.  So, use your imagination here.
[Y O U R I M A G I N A T I O N I N P R O C E S S]  
We went back to the hotel and got ready for bed.  There were flying bugs everywhere.  Ew.  I even climbed to the top bunk (we were in a triple room:  one queen size bed for two people and one twin size bed for one) and saw dead bugs (moths) on there.  GROSS.  I was freaked out.  I was going to sleep on the desk, but the girls allowed me to share their bed. We woke up, got dressed, packed up, ate breakfast, and headed to Zaanse Schans.
Fancy Pants!! (Zaanse Schans)
Zaanse Schans is an old Dutch village in North Holland.  They make and wear clogs, as well as cheese.  The village also houses many, many windmills used to generate electricity. It was cute and quaint and informative learning about a different culture.  I watched clog making and cheese making demonstrations.  Interesting!!!!!  I purchased more gifts, tried the free cheeses,  and downed a bottle of wine.  We headed back to the hotel and picked up the others who didn’t go on the tour and headed to Bruges, Belgium.
Belgium waffles!!
I was drunk and slept the whole way to Belgium.  We took a tour of the city.  Cobblestone roads, brick buildings, chocolate confectioneries, and horse and carriage buggies filled the city.  It was so beautiful. The only down side is that there was no free wifi anywhere.  I was forced to put down my phone and enjoy the city.  I went to a restaurant with the tour group and ordered the local foods. It was really yummy.  Since my classmates ate somewhere else, I ended up making new acquaintances with girls from Brazil who were studying abroad in London also.  We finished and walked around and purchased more goodies and took pictures.  We said our goodbyes in the city and headed to Calais, France, where we had to go through the border patrol and get on the Eurotunnel to go back to London.  And………..that was IT!!!
So, here are the pictures:
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Turn up!


I can’t believe I haven’t blogged in 11 days!! I was in the hospital for pneumonia-like symptoms (a crazy cough).  I’m feeling so much better now.

In addition to the hospital, I’ve been The truth is, I have been having the time of my life.  Oh, and before that, I stopped trying to befriend my suite-mates/classmates and made some new friends.  I’m on this FB group called Nomad-ness, a group of individuals who travel or backpack the world.  A girl, N, made a post about linking up with some people as she was in town for the three-day Verizon Wireless festival.  I responded and set up a meeting.  Unfortunately, she couldn’t find the restaurant, so I came to her.  She was with her friend, D.  OMG, these girls were so damn cool!!! D acts JUST like me.  N, is toned down, but she’s like hella funny.  We took our laughs and conversation to Soho Park and ate lunch, chatted, and participated in some debauchery with the statutes.

After that, they wanted to tour the city, so we walked to Trafalgar Square and took tons of pictures.  As we were enjoying the area, this guy, X, approaches us — well, D, and engages her in conversation.  He ended up tagging along with us.  Let me tell you, X is super cool too!! So Nita and I walked way ahead of D and X and just talked and snuck a couple of pictures of the two as we headed towards Buckingham Palace.  Unfortunately, we missed the Queen.  So, we just took more pictures.  After that, we walked through the nearby park, took pictures of the ducks, laughed some more, and hunted for the toilet.  From there we went to the Nelson Mandela statute, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, and finally the London Eye.  It was pretty cool… I was tired of being a tour guide, so I let X take the lead.  He lead us towards Leicester Square, where we met some cool promoters.  Eventually, we did the clubbing thing at Penthouse and Rise.  It was so much fun!  Shockingly, my classmates were in Penthouse. They were having tons of fun too.  It was such a great night…. We left the club at like 3AM and went to eat in China Town.  OMG, the food was delish (and I wasn’t drunk either — medication).  They walked me to my bus stop and we parted ways.

The next day, I had to go to Lloyds of London! IT. Was. SO. Cool!!!  Lloyds is a British insurance and reinsurance market… comparable to Wall Street in NY, but not really.  After the tour was over, I linked up with D and N.  We ate at Chipotle until X arrived.  We walked around the city for a little bit, talking about relationships, sex, and religion. Interesting combo, I might add.  The conversation kind of died down when we reached Carluccio’s.

The service at Carluccio’s SUCKS!!! When I asked for a glass of ice to go with my bottled still water, the waitress brings me 2 ice cubes.  I asked her if she could fill the glass.  She takes my glass and disappears for like 30 minutes. She returned with everyone’s food, but not my glass. She then went behind me and like laid back and chatted up her colleagues as I sat there parched. So, I took a picture.  Eventually, she returned to the table another 15 minutes after my initial request and cleared the table after everyone had eaten.  I reminded her about my ice and she returns with half a glass of melted ice.  I was PISSED.  The waitress disappeared and I flagged another waiter down and requested to speak to the manager.  I told the manager my plight, but she looked as if I was exaggerating in order to get out of the paying.  I showed her the picture and she looked pissed and very embarrassed.  She persistently apologized to me and offered to give me any dessert I wanted, any drink I wanted, and pretty much everything else.  I ordered a dessert and chamomile tea.  She promptly returned with everything and even comped like £30 off of our bill AND gave me a present (I still haven’t even opened it).  I thanked her for trying to right the wrong.  It appeared that the stupid little waitress got reprimanded because she came back outside where we were sitting and threw a fit at the table next to us as she was clearing the table.  HAHA.  And that’s exactly what I did… I laughed at ignorant levels because that’s what she gets!!!

Anywho, afterwards, the crew walked me to my dorm and we talked some more and cried because the girls were going back to the States the following day.  It was so sadddddddddddd… the last person I met on vacation that was super cool was my best friend, Chicken Nugget!  Ugh…. So we all exchanged numbers and I walked them to the bus.  We’ve been texting, instagramming, and FBing ever since they left.  It’s so cool.

Okay, so since I have to start packing for Amsterdam and Belgium, I’m just going to post pictures:


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Avoir d’autres chats à fouetter

To have better things to do.

I was too busy to blog within this past week.  A lot had to do with school.  The other part was other personal stuff that no one seemed to understand or acknowledge, but I digress.  I had to commence, complete, and present my research project last week on the Treatment of Sexual Violence in International Law.  The title of my project was taken from a very informative site that I cited in my work. Nevertheless, I killed my presentation.  My professor gave me no negative feedback.  The only down part about this topic is that I kept having dreams about being raped over and over and over again on a daily basis… like it felt so real and I had nobody to talk to it about.


After class, it was time to turn up! I met up with my friends.  We went to a French Restaurant called Little Bay in Kilburn. The food was DELICIOUSLY FLAVORED. The service was phenomenal.  I was thoroughly impressed.  We also went to Primark and did a bit of shopping, followed by the £1 store.  I picked up a few things from there too.  Afterwards, we discussed Carnival in London and I even got to try last year’s headpiece.  It was pretty cool.  I was stuffed, tipsy, sleepy, and merry, so I headed home and took a nap. I woke up in time to get dressed for hip hop karaoke.  We went out and had an okay time. I performed “Big Pimpin'” with a classmate from TheOtherSchool. It wasn’t as live as last week’s performance.  We met a Filipino dude from Houston, TX that was in London on holiday.  Him and his family were so dope.  We got their contact information and met up with them the next day in Camden Town.  We went to Ice Wharf first — they bought like 4 rounds of drinks that included jagermeister and jager bombs.  OMG, I was soooo tipsy by the time we left there. We then went to a 90s/2000s club called Monarch.  That was too live… we linked up with the friends of one of the Filipino dudes…so we were like 11 people deep just having a ball.  It was crazy to me seeing so many people crip walking to west coast music and dougie’ing to southern music LOL.  More drinks came and the rest of the night was a blur. The next day, I got really sick, so I stayed inside for most of the day.  I was hungry and I was referred to a place in Euston Square called Abokado.  I told the lady my symptoms and she told me to get the Super Salmon Detox Soup.  I got the soup and beet and mint juice…. everything was DELICIOUS.  I took the rest of my medicine, drank most of a 2-liter bottle of water, watched Breaking Bad,  and tried to sleep.

I woke up today feeling slightly better.  I got cabin fever! So the sick and shut in was no more… I took my snotty tail to London Bridge.  But first, I picked up some more Super Salmon Detox Soup and some sushi.  I got to London Bridge…. zzZzZzzZzz.  It was boring…nothing even cool about it. No CRACKS or anything, lol. I walked over to HMS (boat thingy) and ate my lunch in front of it.  Then, I walked a little more and saw a bazillion people in the park, laid out eating — LIKE I WAS DOING.  They all opted to watch the Wimbledon on this outside flatscreen that was in front of City Hall.  In fear of being around some fags (cigarettes), I kept walking towards Tower Bridge. I stopped and picked up a single (scoop of ice cream) with a (Cadbury) flake (chocolate bar)….it was pretty good. The flake was super sweet…too sweet for my liking.  I walked on Tower Bridge and took pictures of London Bridge.  Then I walked over to the Tower of London and took more pictures…then I got bored and sweaty and went home. I have tons of pictures…

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Bia le haghaidh machnaimh

Food for Thought.

Slow Day.

After class, I went to sleep until 4:00 PM.  I was in dire need of food, so I went walking up and down the street.  I found a Chinese food place were I consumed hot and sour soup, spring rolls, and chicken chow mien.  When I finished my food, I walked out and noticed this adult store next door to the restaurant.  I went in searching for a “quicker picker upper” that will get me through the remaining five weeks without my heart, TPK. After walking aimlessly around the store for several minutes, the owner asked me if I needed help.  “Yes!  Something that’s powerful and quiet,” I replied.  He handed me a three inch three speed bullet.  It worked for me! Then he asked me if I was from America — Texas.  He was amazed because he lived in Santa Monica, CA for  6 years.  He met a Russian woman in the UK while she was on holiday (“vacation”)  and he fell in love and married her in Vegas.  As he began to get deep into the conversation, a patron/worker interrupted and said, “Hey! You’re talking to a pornstar!!”  I giggled because I thought he was just being mannish, but his words held truth. The owner pulled out a DVD with himself pictured in a submissive position, clad in his birthday suit and a pig mask.  I exclaimed, “Oh, wow! Can I take a picture with you?”  He agreed.  We posed for the picture and another gentleman happened to walk in the store. The third guy quickly started making dirty jokes when the owner asked for my contact information.  The light air started to turn cold, like I was moments away from being sold into sexual slavery.  I gave him my spam e-mail address and left out of there quickly. I didn’t even ask for a discount (which I’m sure I could have gotten).  Ever since I’ve been going places alone, I’ve been getting discounts everywhere!! The locals love me! Speaking of locals…


On my way home, this younger guy stopped me.  He said he wanted to try to get to know me.  (-_-)  #Bullshit.  Out of pure boredom, I entertained his foolishness.  I told him that I would test him. He appeared eager to hear what I had to ask.  So, I asked him what was the most romantic thing he’s done for a woman. He said he flew  his crush to South Africa and had a picnic on the beach. #Bullshit.  So, I told him he passed the test because I really wanted to see the “UK Game”  up close and personal.  He then went on this spiel about how he’s an actor (mind you, he’s clad in some charity paraphernalia with pamphlets in his hand while standing next to his coworker in the same attire).  I said, “ORLY?” He’s like yeah I want to get to know you and hopefully we can exchange contact details.  I burst his bubble and told him I had a boyfriend and I don’t need any new friends (*ques Drake*). His whole face went blank, like he was trying to think of a new strategy to get to me.  He then said that he’s a bit disappointed that he couldn’t get to America now. I told him he can still go to America because I certainly couldn’t be the reason that decision was hindered.  He said he loves America because we have the best food:  Corndogs and waffles.  I diiiiiied laughing. He was SO serious though.  He said he wanted to keep in touch and show me around the city since he knows fluent French (why does that matter?).  So, I gave him a fake e-mail address and kept it moving.  lol… Good times.

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